you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
