Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
