she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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