dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
