Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
