ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Who did Billy Mays play for?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
