Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
