I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
