Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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