R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
