Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
