I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm at about main and main street
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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