I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
