You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I still have a little drunk in my system
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
