I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm having to shit out rocks
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