he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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