It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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