she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
