how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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