I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
