her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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