dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
