Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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