cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Couch. On fire.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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