I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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