I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
