I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
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So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
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It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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