I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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