You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
