it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
