I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
