drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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