To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
did i walk over a car last night?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
