Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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