Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
