i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
