Whod you bang
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
