I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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