you turned your livingroom into a bong?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she told me i tasted like america
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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