i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
