I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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