Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
