We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
