He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
