roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
