last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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