bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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