dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
