you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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