I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
