i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
