so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
