im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Randomize
