I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
