organizing the empties. That sober.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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