I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
