I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
