three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
NoShamevember. You game?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
