so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Oh god it's open bar.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
