I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We just shotgunned beers for America
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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