Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
