Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
