Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
