i don't like sucking hair
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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