You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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