I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
