i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My penis needs a shock collar
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
