bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
