Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
